What do you see?
by Harm Marie
Summary: What do you see when you look in the mirror? When I look in the mirror I see nothing. Buffy went looking for Spike but he wasn't home. One Shot


This is my first Buffy fic. I know that this story line is overused but it fit with the idea for the idea that I got for a poem. Anyway I don't own anything. They all belong to Joss. 

Buffy walked into the crypt. 

"Spike? Are you here?" She looked over at the decrepit couch and the ancient TV. There was a warm beer on the table but no Spike. The place was empty. 

"Of all the times to be gone he has to be gone the one time I actually want to see him." She mumbled. 'Maybe he is downstairs.' She had wanted him to help her patrol. The latest 'big bad' was not one to be confronted alone.

Buffy walked over to the trap door. Swinging the heavy door open she peered down into the dimly lit room.

"Spike?" No answer.

She climbed down the ladder and looked around. The bed was made. A mound of soft pillows was arranged on it. Not seeing Spike, she decided to wait. Buffy walked over to the bed and sat down. She glanced aimlessly around the room as she waited. Her eyes eventually fell on a mirror hanging over the dresser. 

"That's weird. Why would Spike have a mirror in his crypt?" She got up and walked over to the mirror. Attached to the corner was a piece of paper. The flowing script on the paper was beautiful and perfect. She reached out and removed the page. It had her name on it.

_Buffy,_

_What do you see when you look in the mirror?_

_Do you see the warmth in your smile, the light in your eyes?_

_Do you see the bounce in your step, or the sway of your hips?_

_Do you see the fire of your temper, or the grace of your moves?_

_Do you see the song of your voice?_

_Do you see the friendships you share?_

_Do you see love?_

_When I look in the mirror see nothing._

_It is like I don't exist._

_That I am nothing._

_That I am not real._

_Is that why you don't love me?_

_Because I am nothing?_

_If I am nothing then why do I have these feelings?_

_Why do I care so much about you?_

_Why won't these feelings go away?_

_I try so hard not to love you but I can't._

_I love you so much it hurts._

_Why can't you see it?_

_How can you look in the mirror and not see it?_

_How can you deny what is looking back at you?_

_How can you not see your beauty, your grace, your charms?_

_How can you not see what I can?_

_How can you not see that my love is real?_

_Even if I am not._

_~William_

Buffy dropped the page to the floor. Her mind formed no coherent thoughts as she stood there and stared at the mirror. Taking a step forward she touched the surface of the mirror. It was cool to her touch. She stood frozen there, one hand tracing her own reflection, until she heard a noise behind her. She whipped around to see Spike staring at her. 

"Hey Buffy. What are you doing here?"

She fish mouthed, nothing coming out. 

"Buffy? Luv, are you alright?" He took a step towards her. 

She shut her mouth and backed away. "I'm fine." But her voice suggested otherwise. It quavered as she spoke.

"Are you sure? You don't look fine."  He looked concerned and stepped closer. 

Buffy turned her face downward, staring at the floor. Silent tears ran down her face. "I'm so sorry." Her voice was small. Spike wasn't even sure that she spoke. Buffy then ran for the ladder and disappeared from the crypt.

"Buffy wait!" Spike moved for the ladder. His foot made a crinkling noise. "What the…" He looked down seeing the paper for the first time. It was his poem. 

'Oh shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.' was the only thing going through his mind as he ran out the door of his crypt. Looking around, he saw no sign of Buffy. He took off in the direction of her house. 

She ran. She had to get away. Away from the crypt, Spike, everything. The night was dark as she stumbled over roots and avoided gravestones. The words from the poem burned in her mind._ Is that why you don't love me? Because I am nothing?_ She ran for home. For safety from these feelings. These thoughts, those words. _How can you not see that my love is real? Even if I am not. She ran until she tripped over a tree root. Then she sat and cried. That's where he found her, curled up in a ball at the base of a tree, sobs wracking her body. _

Spike ran quickly, trying to stop her before she got home. If she made it home then she would de-invite him and he would never see her again. 'Hell, she might even get on with it and stake me.' As he approached the edge of the graveyard he saw her. She looked broken. He slowed to a walk and knelt next to her. 

"Buffy." Her name came out in a soft whisper. 

She looked up, her eyes red and puffy. Seeing it was Spike she looked back at the ground. 

"Spike I…" "Buffy I…"

She glanced at him, a hint of a smile on her face. She spoke, alone this time.

"I am sorry."

"Its alright, it was about you wasn't it. You had a right to read it."

"No, I'm not sorry about that." She paused, "well actually I am, but I meant about the other stuff." She started to cry again. "The things I've done, what I said to you, how I acted…I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She broke down again.

This time he was there to hold her. 

End


End file.
